Month One

"... Fuck," I whispered under my breath as I shook the little, white stick hoping that it would somehow change that plus sign to a negative. "I've waited for this all my life and it comes at the worst possible time. Great."

A million things ran through my mind as I gave up on the test, placed it on the counter and slid down to the floor. My husband and I had just started our second year of marriage. We were constantly fighting, even at the most trivial things, like buying the wrong brand of toothpaste or snoring too loudly at night. A couple of days ago he couldn't take it anymore, packed a bag, and left. I sat around waiting for him to come home, or serve me with divorce papers.

I couldn't even think about bringing a baby into this situation. I hid my flustered face in my shaking hands. The sound of a door opening and closing followed by heavy footsteps, echoed through the house. Immediately, I stood up and grabbed the test off the counter. I could hear him coming up the stairs, calling out for me to see if I was home.

"I-In the bathroom," I replied. The door was quickly opened and Ludwig stepped in.

"The house is a mess," he stated.

"Well, I'm sorry that I was too busy crying and worrying about you to do the dishes or vacuum."

"Did you at least eat something other than microwavable dinners?"

"Remember, I'm not allowed to cook when you're gone? I'll either make a huge mess or set something on fire."

His eyes narrowed. "Are you asking me to leave you again?"

"Why don't you file for a fucking divorce already, instead of making me go through this?"

"Making you go through this? Do you think I want to come everyday to a messy house and a bitchy argumentative wife, who rarely even looks at me affectionately."

"I tried. I tried doing the housework and cooking dinners. But every time I did, you yelled at me for doing it wrong. I just ca-"

My words were cut off with a loud clatter. Both Ludwig and I looked down at the white, positive pregnancy test that laid on the bathroom floor. I had gotten so frustrated that I forgot I was holding it. Inwardly cursing, I watched Ludwig crouch down and pick it up.

"What is this?" he asked rhetorically while standing up straight and inspecting the small device.

Silence only answered him as I tried squeezing between him and the doorway to leave the tiny bathroom. He grabbed my wrist tightly before I get one foot out the door.

"Nein. You're not going anywhere until you explain this," his harsh voice commanded.

"It's pretty self-explanatory," I said, sarcasm seeping from every word, "we're married, we're sexually active, you knocked me up sometime last month, and now I'm paying the consequences."

"... You think carrying mein baby is a consequence?" His grip on my wrist loosened and his arm dropped back at his side; you could almost hear his heart breaking.

"If you can't even stand living in the same house as me, then yes."

"... Are you going to abort?" his voice was getting shaky.

I answered him with a slap across his face, leaving his reddening cheek stinging. Tears streamed down my face as I replied, "h-how could you even suggest that?"

Instead of reacting to my slap with harsh words, he brought his rough hand to my face and wiped away tears with his thumb. Feeling my quiet cries turning into wails and sobs, I instantly leaned my face against his palm. He moved closer and held me tightly against his warm chest.

"Isa, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said... that..."

"I-I know, I know. I am too."

"I promised you for better or for worse. We'll get through this." He ran his fingers through my brown curls and pressed his cheek to my head.

"We will get through this," I repeated as I closed my eyes and sniffed, "somehow..."